This is a guest post by Tom Nguyen, a UAB student, who is a photographer for the Kaleidoscope and a self-proclaimed Facebook Addict. Stick with the 12 steps my friend!

“You know YOU are one, First Step: Admit You have a problem…”

How many times do you have the urge to check Facebook a day? Minutes? Hours?
Where do you check Facebook? Dorm? Class? On a date? On the toilet?!?!
And most importantly what do you do while on Facebook? NOTHING!!!

It’s sad to admit, but I’m quite the Facebook stalker, whether it be that I am checking on one of my BFF’s status’s as to where/when/what he or she is doing at this exact moment in time, or finding which events I can proudly say “I am attending” (quietly humming the Star Spangled Banner) to show how awesomely cool I am that I can go to 3 different dance clubs, 4 birthday parties, 2 UAB Sporting events, and dinner invitations…All in ONE NIGHT!! Now I know some of you are saying “wow, what a weirdo!” but deep down inside, you too will realize that you’re just like me!!

Honestly, I can’t say that Facebook is totally useless. There are plenty of times where I have used Facebook to my advantage and and it has saved my back-end from whiplash. Like remembering a friends birthday (by friend I mean…..Girlfriend, :-/ ), or venting to the Facebook world that my goldfish just died!! Surprisingly, Facebook is NOT like the previous networking sites that have shined at one point or another, only to go away after their 15 seconds of fame. For instance, I remember back in the 6th grade when I was proud that I was a cool kid and had a Xanga, then by 7th grade it was diminished, but what about other sites that came before it? Friendster? Bebo? Or maybe Myspace, which however is still floating about, but quickly losing its touch.

By the looks of it Facebook has taken off its shoes, socks, unpacked, and is staying for good. There are many great applications that Facebookers can add to their profile to “Spazz it up.” They are constantly updating their firmware to make sure its users are protected from viruses, and have even removed some of their Privacy Policy due to users complaints. Now initiateing a campaign stating that it will no longer change its Privacy Policies without consent from Facebookers.

What is the point of this article you ask? Well, there really isn’t one other than to admit that I spend way too much time on Facebook, and I would like to ask that other Facebookers admit the same. Now Facebook has hundreds of applications, so why not make one for Facebook addicts? Yes, it may seem dumb to ask a website that makes money off the number of people that visit its site and the amount of time they stay on it, but look at the positive effects. If I am ever able to say “Hi, my name is Tom, it has been 10 days since my last visit to Facebook”, then Facebook Founder Mark Zuckerberg can know that I am living outside of my bedroom and making new non-facebooking friends. Consequently, however,  I will feel the need to log onto Facebook, and so I would force my new found friends to make one for themselves so I may communicate with them later on. Hence, the new users and more “Login” times for Facebook to brag to their billion dollar industry sponsors.

I am a little Embarrassed to say this, but I can sit on Facebook for hours on end mindlessly clicking on the ever so convenient “News Feed”, which keeps me updated with all my friends, and possibly hot girl models who could really be 40 year old men. Not to mention the “People You May Know” tool…Now I can be friends with my friends friends, who I absolutely have no clue who they are!!! YAY!!!

My negative and positive views on Facebook and its applications:
-News Feed:
Status: Allows me to know what my “Friends” are eating, doing, what class they are in, and their made up love quotes of the day.
Photo Updates: Now I can see what you and your family….DID LAST SUMMER!!!!
***Professors remember if you have a Facebook, DO NOT ADD YOUR STUDENTS!***
**Lets just say, a certain Male Psychology Professor has certain pictures of themselves during a certain Halloween dressed in a certain Hooters Costume**
*Can you say life damaging image?*
-People You May Know: Allows me to add my friends friends who I may never meet or know, but hey who cares? My friends younger sister is quite a hottie!!
-Notes: Aaahhh the good ole notes, including all but not limited to, the ever so clever “How well do you know me?” or the recent “25 things about me”, if I really wanted to know that your toilet paper rolls over rather than under, I would kindly ask, or just be a dirty little creeper and sneak in your bathroom and find out.
-Bumper Stickers: Another great Application, it just screams “Hhheeeeyyyy!! I am too lazy to think of something clever to write on your wall so I am going to send you a virtual sticker that someone else much more intelligent than I am thought of and placed a cute background picture on it!!!” (phew, that deserves a breather)
-Poke: This is great for guy’s like me who do not have the courage to touch a girl in person, and now can virtually poke them! Only if there was one that said “Get Laid with (Place a hot females name here)” (In an effort to save my dignity, this was just a way to make my statement, I do touch girls!!) :-O

Next up, this thing:

Having a list of different cartoon avatars with captions like “The Crazy Drunk Bitch”, “The Herpes Chick”, and/or “The Pot Head”, and tagging your friends as one (or all) of them, may be a good laugh for the moment. However, soon after your friends come to realize that you actually really think they are the “Crazy Drunk Herpes Pot head Chick.” you can consider yourself soon to be tagged as the “Arrogant Jerk, who has no heart, and is no longer my friend!!“ So in the end, please do not try to find me on Facebook and use profane language stating “Facebook is the best, how can you hate on it?!”
Another thing, do not commit Facebook Suicide:

Do you believe that you could possible be a Facebook Addict? Just in case you don’t know, here are some symptoms provided by the Facebook group “You Know your Addicted to Facebook When…”

1. Facebook is the home page on your computer.
2. It is the basis of all your conversations.
3. You log on at least 4-5 times a day!
4. You resort to constantly poking everyone so they poke you back and you look popular!
5. Suddenly you dont feel like going out because you would rather be on Facebook.
6. You start to write on your own wall and comment on your own pictures.
7. you go through other peoples albums and tag yourself in pictures. You also read other peoples walls to get the gossip.
8. you message your friends on Facebook even when you are in the same room
9. You are in competition with your friends to see how many contacts you have on Facebook.
10. You add people you never talk to in real life just to have more contacts.

Lastly, before I say Good-bye, here is when I realized I was an Addict:

(this is A conversation between myself and a friend, of course it was on Facebook Chat)

Genie
i got pictures on the wall :)
3 of them

Tom
hmm you lied! its not on your wall
lol

Genie
no 3 pictures on the wall at hooters

Tom
oohhhhh lol :-/

***The writer sends out his deepest apologies that you actually read this, and that he has been a victim of everything he has listed within this article, and knows it is ultimately pointless.***

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